Mesmerized
by LeoOsaka Bakura's stalker
Summary: Duo leaves Heero a letter that will change his life...right before attempting to commit suicide. How will Heero respond to this new revelation? 1x2 COMPLETE
1. Part 1 Mesmerized

_Leo: Prepare for general angstyness. There is 1x2x1 in here, mainly because I love that pairing so much! There isn't really much humor in this one, I was going to tie some in, but I changed my mind on that. This is a three parter and the chapters really aren't as long as most of my three parters are, but there's a reason for that. Enjoy angst fans!_

Mesmerized  
Part One  


_Heero… _

_Always, always, always, my thoughts drift to you, you stupid boy. The inhuman jerk that you are, who barely takes notice of me at all. It's just…I don't understand! Why you? Of all people! I used to, in my mind, think it wasn't you, that it was someone else. Denying the fact that when you told me to do something I jumped to position like a trained bitch awaiting the next order. Oh Heero, what can I do to get your attention? When will you FINALLY see me? I was so mesmerized by you when I first saw you, that it scared me. So much in fact that I unloaded my gun trying to clear my head of the swell of emotions you pushed me through._

_How I hated, yet loved you. I despised you and wanted you so bad. I wished you would disappear and to be burned in my memory and to keep you as mine forever. Then SHE came along. You must know whom I'm talking about! Princess Bitch of the Sanc Kingdom. She made me so insane over you Heero! She made me want to do horrible things! After all, at the time I was sure no one would know it was me who shot her point blank and drug her body across the Chinese Mountains! Really! I think I could have gotten away with it! But I saw the way you saved her all the time. I thought you cared about her. _

_That hurt. So much you'll never know. I could never touch you in the way she could. It was HER voice that stopped you from killing yourself. And not mine… I rescued you…saved you from, the ever so clearly mental, Doctor Sally, who still to this day backs her claim that you had over 200 broken bones when she found you. I know you're all-powerful, but even I have a hard time believing you could pull off walking away with 200 broken bones. Then again you're Heero Yuy. You can do everything._

_Except notice me. When I saved you from her, Heero, did you even acknowledge the fact that I was there? Or was that another mission of yours? You've confused me so many times Heero. And I hated you for it. I'm not free of emotions like you and maybe that still makes me the 'imperfect' soldier, as compared to you 'the perfect one', but why? Why did you save me that time I was caught? Why didn't you let them publicly execute me? Was that another 'mission?' or did you care? Or did it jeopardize you? _

_For the longest time, I was with Quatre. I learned a lot from him you know. I saw how he interacted with Trowa the few times and rare times he talked to me about things that had nothing to do with the war. He talked about Trowa, and how the two of them could harmonize so well, playing their musical instruments together like there was no war and there was nothing to fear when in the presence of each other. They were made to be. I could see it in Quatre's eye and smile when he spoke Trowa's name. _

_But you know what's strange? I never talked to him about you. Because I never could find a single common ground we shared, like the two of them did. You were always the one thinking on the job, I was the carefree one wanting to live a little. You always scowled at me, telling me to go away, or to stop talking. You often ignored me and I had to shout or find some other means to get your eyes on something other than your Gundam or laptop. _

_That laptop. How jealous I am. You spend more time on that blasted machine than you do sleeping. Do you know that? I've watched you sleep only a few times, but when you do that mask comes off and you almost look normal, save for the wrench tied to your leg from where you had cracked your leg back into place after breaking it. Heh, I swear Heero, sometimes I think you could do brain surgery on yourself with a pencil, a napkin and a key ring and live through it, later to come out ten times smarter than before._

_And you know how funny you can be when you scream at me with that completely contemptuous looks in your eyes, about nothing that I can ever remember. Why do I think that's funny? Because in those moments that you are screaming and calling me "Duo no baka", I know that you SEE me. _

_You know when I was in that cell with Wufei. I talked to him about you. I asked him what he thought of you, and if you'd talked to him. And it hurt to know you shared more words with him than me. He questioned me about why I asked. I couldn't tell him. Because I knew it was a dream, beyond a dream, and a Shangri-la that I would never get to live in. _

_I watched as you guarded Relena so tenderly. And it ate away at me because no matter what, she would come before me. Me, the one who'd stuck by you, saved you, fought for you and would have died for you. I went back to the Junk Yard and lived with Hilde for a while. I felt alone with out my Gundam. But I had a wonderfully welcome place to be, where I could avoid overly concerned Arabic boy, stoic Europeans and justice raving Chinese pilots. Of course, I won't lie, I missed those prying blue eyes that felt into your soul and MADE you tell them what was wrong. Or the completely deadly silent conversations you could have with Trowa and understand every non-spoken word, or listening to Wufei verbally write a new book on justice every time something wasn't right. But what I missed the most was YOU. The inhuman soldier. _

_I guess I'm a little redundant. And I must have said all of these things so many times, but you just will never understand. It's not in your nature. At the end of the war I realized that you weren't just something I'd accidentally stumbled on. No, you were burned into my heart, the last human thing I have remaining of me. If not for the painfully beating heart in my chest I might be more like you. And sometimes I wanted to will myself to be as cold, as calculating, but I couldn't. Oh Heero, don't you ever smile? Won't you ever smile for me?_

_Imagine my confusion when you walked away on the very day you were supposed to marry Relena! I was in shock! You were almost legally bound to her Heero, and then you turned, and you looked up at me and your eyes fell wider. You looked up at me standing on that balcony watching you. Nothing else. Just YOU. Was it the tears in my eyes that stopped you? Was my presence so burdening that it disrupted your train of thought from HER? You confuse me so…even still; I have always since taken it as a personal victory. You never married her…you never went back to her. And I'm glad. You may be an immortal perfect machine of a being, but Relena is more evil than a bandwagon of preppy cheer girls clad in pink, throwing flowers and spouting off complicated mathematical equations. And don't deny it. You know her evilness. If you ever had a doubts I'm sure Wufei would be happy to justify that logic for you. _

_Sometimes I wondered if it was Zechs. A fine man he is indeed. And I always wondered if that's what you thought. How would I compete with that? I'm not nearly as dead sexy as that man, nor am I taller and more proper; I don't have those cunning blue eyes and sleek blonde hair. I'm nothing extraordinary. I hated when you and Zechs were around each other. And so many times I wanted to rip apart that handsome face. I mean, what did HE ever do to deserve the cunning gaze of your eyes on him? Do I have to declare war on you for you to take me seriously? _

_I couldn't do it. And I can't have you. I have nothing; therefore I have everything to lose by losing you. And now I finally can't take it any more Heero. I wrote this to you. So maybe I may have your attention. Just for a moment. Maybe you'll rip this letter up and toss it away maybe you'll care, but it won't matter to you when I'm gone. It won't matter to you because you never cared to begin with. _

_And finally, the words I never spoke, given every opportunity and failing to take advantage of them: I love you Heero Yuy. And I knew from the beginning that it would be, and will always be, my downfall. _

_Signed, _

_Duo Maxwell, Pilot 02. _

The letter floated to the floor as a pale hand trembled and those cold, calculating eyes watered. Trembling lips moved trying to form words, but failed. The dazed figure sat in the emergency room wrapping his arms around his shivering, yet not cold, body. Every so often trailing back to that letter and his mouth would try to speak the words, but all that seemed to come out was the whispered words:

"Duo…Duo…no baka…"

* * *

_Leo: Okay the first two chapters are prewritten the last chapter depends on whether you guys want a happy ending or not! Tell me!_


	2. Part 2 Biggest Fool of All

Mesmerized  
Part Two

_Duo,_

You are a fool beyond fools. An idiot with a heart so big, and a smile that could light up any room, but you are the biggest fool of all. You are the fool who fell in love with me. You are the fool who couldn't understand that beneath my masks of indifference, I saw you. I did, I saw every move you made. You were different to me. A complex creature and I was afraid of you. You almost represented to me: the beauty of death. I could watch you fire your weapon over and over and never withdraw my sight from you. But you never saw that.

_Because no one could. I am too inhuman, and I pulled myself away from you more and more, the longer I knew you, because you were too much. Too much for me, and quite frankly, too much for anyone. You were like my little bit of sanity to hold on to. And believe it or not Duo. I did. I clung, but you never felt it. I saved you because losing you would be taking the rest of me with you. How could I have ever told you? How could I let you know how utterly inferior I felt to you? Not in terms of strength or perfection, because they are all irrelevant, but in terms of humanity. In terms of happiness. I could never keep you happy the way I wanted to. _

_I went to Relena knowing, or believing that you were better off with out me. Oh how she was a test of patience. And I can tell you many a times I was willing to be shot fatally if not only for getting out of having to protect her. _

_Would you believe me if I said I looked for you? I looked for excuses to find you, for reasons to be back in your life again. Briefly all five of us grouped back together to work a project for the Preventers, do you remember that? Heh, they STILL call us the Preventer 5, as Wufei tells me. I miss that. My only job in life has always been death. I bet it would be hard for you to comprehend just how hard it is to compose these thoughts from an idea so vague that I'm simply letting my fingers type. On that laptop you hate so much._

_I know you hated it, but it was all I could do to get my mind off of you. You're my puzzle, little baka. And until I'd figured you out, I aimed to keep you at arms length, and because of that I couldn't see that you were itching to latch on to me. Oh how alike we actually are. It's sickening no? _

_But now I've figured you out and it's almost too late. And that in itself is like an insult to injury. To think if I'd stopped and looked at you I might have seen. But I didn't. _

_Quatre is worrying about you. Trowa is worrying about you. Even Wufei is in a slight panic. You surprised us, baka. No one ever expected it from you. No one ever took the time to see that you suffered possibly the most. Maybe you're not the biggest fool of all. Because the biggest fool of all is me. And I finally feel the weight of my foolishness. _

_I'm sitting here, going on Thirty-four hours. Waiting. Until one of two things happen. You wake up or you leave us. Whether you ever read this or not remains to be seen. Let's just pray to all entities on the higher planes (assuming they exist) that your Doctor is not Sally. But if so, I promise to at least give you a very elaborate tombstone. Because it would be likely for Sally to assume you're missing all of your limbs if she claimed I have 200 broken bones. Heh, and you're right; I'm good but not that good. _

_I'll never forget that one aspect of you: your sense of humor. You, the one who could make even the Lightening Count himself crack a smile. Which isn't something everyone can do. How could you ever think I would fall for that man over you? You down grade yourself so much. _

_Now I sit here, for once fearing for something other than failing a mission. I fear for you. The image of you is burned into my mind. How unlucky we could have been, how easy you could have crumbled to the floor lifeless. Holding that gun in your hand, turning back to look at us with tears glittering under your large amethyst eyes. Watching you pull that trigger, and thanking who ever was listening when Quatre shouted. His voice reached you, and you missed the fatal blow. _

_Now we are fighting for you. We are hoping, praying, begging you to live. I should have been able to stop you. I should have been able to say the words that would make you drop that damned pistol. But I froze. And you shot yourself. They tell us you can live though baka. You shattered your skull, but you didn't injure your brain, you're not a vegetable. I never really did care for plant life. _

_Though looking at you in that room brings back the haunting vision of you bleeding more horribly than I'd ever seen you. Your face contorted in an expression of raw agony. The shriek that barely made it gurgling passed your throat as your hand flew to your face in the instant before you lost all consciousness. The black, blood-coated, hole in the side of your head barely covered by the chestnut hair that fell around your eyes, shading them from my sight. _

_I can still visualize that blood spray against the egg white walls and pastel checkered wallpaper. That wallpaper you begged Quatre to take out of his guest rooms. If it's any consolation, he will HAVE to now. You've won that battle. I'm still wearing the shirt with your bloody handprints on it. I can't bring myself to change it, no matter how many of the other patients I freak out. Until you get better…Until…no WHEN you get better. I promise, I will never let you out of my sight again. _

_You will forever have my attention. I will dedicate my life to you and I will mean it. I will clutch on to you like you did to me. The war found us Duo…But we found each other. Two Broken souls in need of mending each other. And I can see that now. I've solved the puzzle that took to long to finish. But I've learned more from you than anyone, and if you don't make it…_

…_Well, you WILL make it. You are Shinigami. And a god doesn't die. MY god doesn't die. _

_Yours,_

_Heero._

The laptop clicked shut as a disheartened and sleep deprived pilot slumped in the chair, shaking visibly every time the heart wrenching memories returned. He had to believe, in the first thing he's ever believed in, but he had to believe.

'You have to live baka, I don't know what I will do if you don't come back to me…' The weary mind began running over every possibility as the closed eyes began to well up with the still unshed tears. They would never fall, not before…not before…

And not ever…

Heero took notice of the doctor as the door opened. The doctor's eyes fell on him and he sat up mouthing the words, 'please no, please no…' but never being able to speak them as he prepared to take the news. 'please no…'

…Because Shinigami can't die…

* * *

_Leo: Okay based on what you guys have said I have come to the conclusion that I will do both! Alternate endings you could say. It'll be one of those 'if you wanna read it go ahead' type deals. The happy ending will go first, since that had higher voteage xD! I'm shocked by the amount of response from this...Man o.o I wanna thank you guys...That's all inspiring you know xD! Fanfiction will be the death of me one of these days! _

_Again, much thanks everyone!_


	3. Part 3 I promise

_Leo: The response I got from this story was far greater than what I thought, and I've gotten the majority on a happy ending, however, I'm going opt for writing alternate endings, since part of me wants a not so happy ending. This is the first. This is the HAPPY ENDING._

**_Mesmerized_ **

**Part 3 (Ending One)**

Heero's breath held in as he awaited the final verdict, and his mind numbly reeled, coming to life as a faint glimmer of hope sparked in his naturally unfeeling mind. If ever he wanted something so badly it was this. _Please…Please let the news be positive…I HAVE to make up for what I've done…You can't leave me yet baka…Shinigami doesn't die…Shinigami doesn't die…_

"Heero Yuy?" The doctor called his attention as the words repeated over and over in his mind.

_Shinigami doesn't die…_

"Yes?" He responded, restraining a cough from the sudden dryness of his throat. He stood as she approached him. The look on her face told him nothing and for a moment he was afraid. Genuinely afraid. He could imagine Duo making a flippant comment on how he was breaking the laws of 'Heero World' by 'feeling' something.

"I'm here to give you the update on your friend, is there any one else waiting to hear this or would you like to pass the news on yourself?" She asked and his mind immediately picked out the worst.

"They're in the cafeteria getting coffee, I'll pass the word on please…tell me. I need to know if…if he's okay…" The words seemed so distant, so condemning, as if uttering the words of possibility would shatter any hope. _Shinigami doesn't die…_he repeated to himself, as if that was the only string of words he could make his mind remember.

"Mr. Maxwell," She paused.

_SAY IT!_

"Mr. Maxwell will be fine but he's in a very critical state. You're lucky you found him when you did. I would say that his chances were nonexistent if the bullet hadn't strayed. If you'd like to see him in his room you may, he's out of surgery, though he may or may not be conscious." She continued with the same bland face, devoid of emotion, reminding him of himself.

"I would…" Heero's heart floated in his chest as relief washed over him like it never had before. He'd never remembered having felt so relieved, so thankful and so truly lucky. He followed behind her on autopilot, unable to feel anything aside from the pounding of his heart, which was near ready to burst from the previous anticipation of the worst. Looks like his prayer had been answered by whichever god looked down upon his poor unbelieving soul.

The sight of Duo in that bed, looking so horrid and uncharacteristically deathly, was haunting. But there was a great joy in the knowledge that he was alive. The great God of Death had escaped it once again.

The doctor turned to leave as Heero pulled up a chair beside his fellow ex-pilot. He turned back to her before she left the room calling out to her discreetly. She paused and turned to face him, her expression never faltering or changing.

"When was the last time you smiled at someone?" Heero asked cautiously.

"Why?" The skeptical reply made him wince once he realized what it felt like to be at the opposite end of his own cutthroat and cynical responses.

"Because it makes a difference." Looking down at the peacefully sleeping American he said nothing more before locking eyes with her again. She seemed to understand, nodding, then leaving the room in silence.

After she left he sat there, doing nothing but watching rise and fall of Duo's chest in time with the beeping of the heart monitor, a sound that had once irritated him yet now was like a joyous song he would dance to if he had more enthusiasm.

"Oh Baka…You're a fool, I am a fool. What will we do with ourselves? Fools like us ought to stick together…I made the mistake of not seeing that before didn't I? Everyone is so worried about you…they'll be ecstatic that you're going to be okay. Even Wufei was becoming antsy…you would have been amused, if I know you. But I'm sure he'll tell you all about it…

"I've been waiting here for you to wake up. And I won't leave until you do. I promise." He whispered running a hand through the lose strands of hair that fell around the patient's face. "I never want to see you do this to yourself again. But then…I guess you felt the same way every time I threw my life away, even though you strove to save it. I always do wonder what's going on in your mind…you're just to complicated for me to figure out, but I aim to try…" His voice waned as he stared blankly out the dim window to the setting sun on the golden horizon. "I aim to try…"

A pale, trembling hand grasped his own and he jumped. Looking down on the still body he realized that Duo was not asleep at all, but unable to respond. Two amethyst eyes gazed up at him in a most pitiful look as they welled up with tears he could not wipe away.

"Hee…" A weak crackle of a voice tried to finish the word but clearly failed in his attempt.

"Don't talk…" Heero leaned closer to him to comfort, gently running the smooth back of his hand across the face flushed with impending fever.

"Heero? Is he okay?" The big blue eyes of the Winner Heir were the first things to be seen from the doorway as the other three waited patiently for an update.

"Yes…they said he will make it…he's critical…But he will make it…I know he will." Prussian eyes trailed back over to Duo who had fallen back into a peaceful sleep during the brief intermission.

"That's a relief…" Quatre's eyes welled up with tears that quickly slide down his face like a pair of free falling cliff divers. "Allah, thank you so much." His face fell into the palms of his open hands as he cried out in relief. Trowa's armed circled the blonde's shoulders as he buried his face against the pale neck, in an attempt to hide the discreet tears welling up in his eyes. Even Wufei could not deceive, as a single hand perched on his forehead hiding the view of his eyes.

_Duo, Duo, Duo…Look what you've done to us all. You've turned us all from war hardened machines to humans again…Okay perhaps excluding Quatre…who is more human than he SHOULD be…That would have made you laugh wouldn't it? Oh…Baka…what were you thinking?_

Heero hadn't heard the voices of the others as he silently ran his hand along the smooth cheek of the smaller ex-pilot's face. He noticed a delicate nature in him he never saw before. It's hard to see it in the normally rambunctious American. How he'd overlooked it! How he'd overlooked SO much. He felt so foolish…and so eager to make up for it.

"Heero!" Prussian blue eyes looked up at the faces of his teammates and suddenly he was snapped back into the reality that he wasn't alone.

"Hai?" He responded shakily, unaware that he'd done so in his native language. Of course no one said anything, they understood that if nothing else.

"I said, we're going to go talk to the doctor and see about getting some sleep, so we can come back when he's awake." Quatre explained and gave a weak smile when Heero nodded his response.

Quatre was worried, he could see that, but he quickly reminded himself that Quatre worried about everything. That was his quality: he cared. He cared when Heero himself didn't and for a second that was like another sting at his consciousness.

I should have paid more attention…

The other left before Heero looked up. He hadn't realized that he had been staring down into a pair of violet eyes until he'd looked away and glanced back down.

"You were never asleep were you?" He asked with a slight grin.

_'No_,' the words were mouthed. Duo was smart. He knew he didn't even have to verbally speak for Heero to 'hear' him. He knew Heero could read his lips._ 'I wanted to be alone with you for a while…'_

"You are a baka."

_'Yes, I know.'_

"Good. And don't you ever pull that on me again."

_'I promise…Heero…'_

"I'm serious…don't ever…you got my attention baka. And I'm not going to take it back any time soon. What you did was beyond all of our imagination. And you know for me to talk as long as I have that I'm being serious."

'_Not that you aren't always serious anyways…'_ The brunette's violet eyes welled up with tears again. '_But I like you that way Heero…I like you like that…don't change…'_

"I won't…"

_'I'm sorry I never said anything…'_

"Don't be. Give me a chance to love you Baka…" Heero looked away, not wanted to face a reply until he was done constructing his thoughts completely. "Let me make up for what I haven't done. I know nothing about love, and I know nothing about how to make you happy, but I want to try." He looked back as he felt a hand grasp the sleeve of his jacket.

_'I'm happy that you're here, that's all I've ever wanted.'_

"We'll make this work, Duo, I promise…"

_'I love you Heero…'_

"I know Baka I know…" Heero spoke with a tenderness he'd never thought he'd had as he gently ran a hand through that long brown and unbraided hair. "I won't leave you…"

_I promise…_

XxX

_Leo: Okay that's the happy ending! I'm working on the unhappy ending now! I hope you liked this one!_


	4. Part 3 ALT ENDING Shinigami Can't Die

**Mesmerized  
Part Three - (Alternate Ending)**

_Shinigami can't die…_

Heero watched the doctor approached and he felt his chest seizing in an unusual manner as he realized that the doctor's expression wasn't one of good news. He wished he couldn't see the impending bad report in her downcast eyes. But he held on to that small sliver of hope, that maybe…Oh please god maybe…he was reading her expression wrong…

He stood up when she nodded in his direction, confirming that it was indeed him that she was requesting to speak with. She introduced herself but Heero never heard a word of it. He watched her mouth move but his mind refused to comprehend any other words than the information he wanted, no NEEDED to know…Would his baka be all right?

"I'm sorry if I seem impatient…but please get to the point…Is he okay?" Heero finally spoke, in a much harsher tone than he intended and followed by a wince as he realized how badly his voice had cracked.

"…Well…" The doctor's words were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. The other pilots, made their way back in a hurry as they saw the white-coated woman standing before Heero.

"Sorry that took so long…" Quatre huffed as they ran up to them. The poor boy's eyes were still red from the hours of tears he'd cried in frustration of not knowing what was going on and not being able to do anything.

"Please tell us what's going on…" Trowa's soft voice broke the tension enough to ask the question everyone was too afraid to voice. One look at the lady doctor and they already knew the answer, but no one wanted to actually hear it said, because that would mean they would have to accept it…

"Well, your friend…we…we tried everything…but…."

"But?" Heero's normally stoic and commanding voice faltered at the word that always meant something bad.

"But, we just couldn't save him…he bled out into his brain and…we couldn't do anything to stop it…I'm sorry…" She closed her eyes and lowered her head.

Quatre's soft whimpering could be heard as the blonde's face buried in Trowa's shoulder. His sobs every now and then followed by a hiccup and soft cries of how this shouldn't have happened. Wufei sat down once the news hit him and more or less with the force of a cement block. For the first time he looked ready to belt someone for a reason other than natural instinct to fight. He was grief stricken as much as Quatre and apparently Trowa, judging from the glistening tears.

Only Heero was unable to register the information. Or perhaps he did not WANT to register it, and in his mind he kept repeating…_Shinigami can't die…_

"He's….?" Those blue eyes wearily reached out to the doctor in hopes that his mind was simply being cruel and making up the words as her mouth moved.

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Maxwell, is dead…"

The brunette's legs nearly buckled and he fought to steady himself, glaring down at the floor but unable to see anything through his blurring eyes. His whole being seemed to shatter in his mind as he realized that his world just killed himself…and that he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.

Without conscious thought Heero dashed away from every face he knew, everything that reminded him of the horrible mistake that he made. _I should have paid attention…I should have paid attention!_ He raced down the corridor and took a sharp turn going up the stairs, in an attempt to run away from his misery. Taking the steps by two he stopped when he realized that there were no more stairs…

Standing in the highest floor of the grim building, he sank to the floor against the wall. The empty storage hall echoed every sound he made, and seemed to bounce back at him. But the loud echoing of his cries never reached his ears. Because he didn't care anymore… He didn't care if he showed weakness. He didn't care if anyone saw his pain. Because for once in his life, his life was HIS.

"Baka….why…why didn't you talk to me…You know…I would have listened…you know that I would have given you the time of day if I knew you needed it!" He sobbed and each word rose his voice another octave until he had to gasp in air to make up for his screams.

"BAKA! WHY? YOU IDIOT!" He curled against the wall and sunk onto his side, laying on the hard and cold floor. "Why….?"

"….WHY, DAMN YOU, WHYYYYY?"

He sat up slowly.

"Don't leave me Duo…don't…please…DON'T LEAVE ME!" He slammed his fist into the wall in an attempt to ease the pain that was ripping apart the remaining sanity he still held onto.

"It's not real…It's not real…It can't be…Shinigami doesn't die…" He rocked himself back and forth unaware of the approach of the other pilots.

The blonde Arabic slowly approached Heero and knelt beside him. Heero latched onto him as a sort of life support. "Tell me it's not real Quatre…" Those blue eyes didn't even blink as traumatic shock completely overwhelmed the naturally level headed pilot, who's seen more death than anyone really should.

"I'm sorry Heero…" Quatre's eyes welled up with tears again.

"It's my fault…" The voice came as a whisper.

"Not it's not…It's not your fault…" The blue eyed ex-pilot mothered the trauma stricken teammate.

"Yes….yes it is…because Shinigami can't die…."

_Shinigami can't die…._

Heero's finger clawed at the freshly laid dirt before the elaborate tombstone. He couldn't bring himself to forgive the actions he should have taken but didn't. His mind reeled as every moment kneeling in the rain-washed dirt shattered his heart again and again, until he didn't think he would ever recover.

The ceremony was fancy, but in a Duo style. He was laid into the ground in his priest's outfit and his hair twisted into his beloved braid. So beautiful, so peaceful, and so deathly pale. So lifeless and unlike the overenthusiastic pilot he'd found himself trying so desperately to figure out.

He remained when every one had left, and he couldn't bring himself to leave that small plot of land. It was as if his whole life was lying right there. He didn't care that his black tux was now coated in mud, or that he looked insane lying over a grave in the pouring rain. His heart was so broken nothing seemed to matter anymore. Who would have that that obnoxious American would have meant so much in his heart of hearts.

"I knew you would be the death of me…" Heero whispered to the ground.

He knew the others were waiting for him, and he knew they wouldn't stop him. They saw his pain and they let him do as he wished, but only the four of them remained. They wouldn't leave Heero, no matter how long they had to wait.

"Baka…I can't stay here…I want to…I want to make it up to you…And I will…one day…I promise…I'm not invincible…you taught me that… baka…It won't be long…I promise…I'll see you again very soon…" The words fell silent to the hard rain and whipping winds as Heero pulled himself together as much as he could and stood, walking away with hesitance.

Shinigami died…

_**Here lies Duo Maxwell** _

_Ex-pilot for peace,_

_Loving Friend,_

_And Immortal Spirit that will live on forever._

In the hearts of those who love him.

xXx

_Leo: Well this fic is officially over! I didn't do the Heero kills himself and it's up to the reader to determine what he meant in the last paragraph, because cliche is evil. I hope you all enjoyed this little minific of mine!_ And if it sucked...well...that's just a Leo standard...


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